2009

A New Year. It always makes you wonder what is in store.

I have only ever come through once and resolutely held on to a new year's resolution.
To this day, I have not gone back on it.
Amazing really how it happened. Family still joke about it as they're not sure how I managed to achieve what they thought was impossible without external intervention.

There are times when taking into account what someone else feels is important. In fact we should consider others above ourselves. But to what extent? What if the other person has no regard for your welfare and is only really interested in theirs. It is something I battle with.

For as long as I can remember, I generally have been able to maintain the consideration of others first even at the ridicule of those closest to me, who perhaps could see that I was suffering and even bordering on foolishness in attempting to keep that resolution. Call it my folly. Whatever you want. Even so, it has always made me wonder if what I had done was right and if I really should have thought more of myself or whether my contribution had made any difference to their lives.

I think that if you look to their reaction and response in order to pacify those feelings of uncertainty, you are bound to fail as often times, most people don't quite appreciate the sacrifice that has been made. I'm not saying that there is a need for that, although it is of human nature to seek approval and it only seems to wear us down if we constantly seek it.

While I enjoy feeling the sense of approval of family, friends and any stranger whom I have come into contact with, it is through experience that I have concluded that it is nice but unnecessary.

I have come to learn that while I was created with the need to feel cherished and accepted there is only one whom I should seek to consistently earn the approval of.